What beer drinker are you? Below is a list of the subclasses of beer drinkers I have picked out from my experience of visiting pubs, bars, house parties and generally blabbering on to people about beer. So after you have decided what kind of beer drinker you are feel free to give us a reply and let me know.
1. The chav: The chav drinks whatever beer or alcoholic beverage he can find to become in a drunkard and disorientated state enabling him to have the courage to start fights for the purpose of showing off to his fellow chavs. Considering chavs will usually drink alcopops and super strength cider and are actually sub-human, they are not strictly a class of beer drinker but are known to be major consumers of the cheapest of supermarket lager multi-packs.
2. The single brander: Common amongst the working class are the single branders. These drinkers are keen consumers of beer, but are only inclined to drink one or a very narrow range of mass market brands. As victims of media interference and mass globalisation, these chaps will most likely live out the rest of there drinking lives knowing nothing of the world of beer and will use it for such traditional methods as getting slowly drunk with other folks whilst watching football.
3. Ale drinker type 1, Flavour picky: One of the most common types of craft beer drinkers are those who are inclined towards specific flavours in beer. This can be the fans of the sweet an rich malty brews, light bitters or that touch of spice. Ones within this category of beer fans are generally open minded.
4. Ale drinker type 2, Session beer preference: These are the ale drinkers that aim for drink-ability above all else. Many of them will prefer golden ales an possibly be inclined towards lager now an then. A common ritual amongst this class is to determine which real ale at the bar is most suited to there palate and then conduct a session on this particular favourite beer.
5. Ale drinker type 3, Bold beer lover: These are the craft beer drinkers that love something to really stand out in a beer. This could be a big on hops or warming rich malts, but since most beers produced in the UK aim for subtlety there’s always going to those hunting for something more assertive or different.
6. Ale drinker type 4, turned to the dark side: Often found in pubs with a cask stout or porter complaining about how real ale of recent is all ‘golden’ this and ‘blond’ that and there’s not enough of the dark stuff going around. These drinkers usually prefer the darker beers, rare as they sometimes are a pint of Guinness is often the only way.
7. The curious drinker: These are drinkers that have not yet discovered the world of craft beer and are more or less discerning about what mass market brands they drink as they are under the illusion that these beers are the best available. I myself used to be within this class, many years ago.
8. The Connoisseur: These are the proper beer geeks, dedicated to searching out and appreciating the beers of the world. Many of these types are very passionate about proper beer and respect it for its true beauty. Many of these are CAMRA members and maybe even publicans or brewers themselves.
9. The extra sensitive: These creatures are offended by all but the very subtlest of beer flavours and tend to stick to the familiar territory of bland mass market lager, shandy, cocktails and alcopops. In some cases the specimen can be simply insulted by the colour of a beer (usually if its darker than your typical bud light they don’t want to go near it).
10. The poser: These are often wine drinkers that think that drinking any beer without a multi million pound advertising campaign behind it will give them a bad image. The drinker views wine and cocktails superior to beer which to them, beer is beer, and any mention of craft brewing is thought of as some weird cult run by old men with pipes and beer guts, but then again some people choose to live in the dark ages.